Anxiety Follies

I had a really great audition for a really cool project. When I say great, I mean, I think it was great. I may not know much about Hollywood, but the casting director laughed and actually applauded. Great, right? So, I was very hopeful. Or, as hopeful as 90% rejection can be.

Imagine the thrill when, two weeks later, I got a call back. I figured maybe I do know something about Hollywood after all. The stars are aligning and all is well with the world. Hold on! It's a different part. Wait. Did I screw up the original? Was it something I said? Do they like me, I mean, really like me? Calm down. It's a call back. That's a good thing.

The new part was something I could easily do and looked pretty interesting. A couple pages to perform with the director and his crew. No problem. I have a whole week. Side note - new sides for my original audition were posted and the character dies! I decided to believe they wanted me for a character that lives! Hey, gotta take encouragement wherever I can.

The fateful day comes and I am ready. Got the 'ol computer set for the zoom audition, lines ready to go and character done. Check. In hindsight, I should have seen something coming.

For some reason only the computer knows, I could not get the audio to work. They could hear me, I couldn't hear them. Oy. Is it going to be one of "those"? Generously, the director cancelled and restarted the call and magically the audio was fine. At least the ice was broken.

Ready to go, I launch into the sides in my native BBC and I'm feeling pretty good. Until and ominous silence folds over the scene. Turns out, I'd forgotten my next line. Okay. Nerves. No big deal. Let's start from the beginning.

Going great, sounding great, took direction great...wait a minute. There's that ominous silence again. Damn! I forgot a different line. Never fear, I forced my way through, finishing with a hopeful, "Can I do that again?"

"Of course," said the nice director. "But, I have some notes." One more time through, all lines intact, and I felt good about the redirect. The nice director said some nice things, but I felt like I'd let everyone down. Him, his team, me, the casting director. The casting director! Oh, no. Is she ever going to call me in again? Have I blown one of the few good relationships I have with someone who can get me in the room?

The rest of that day I was verklempt, knowing I could have done better. The next day I started to worry if I'd ever get another chance! CD's talk, you know.

You can only imagine my relief when I opened my email yesterday and had another audition. Oh, thank God. I'm not blacklisted.

I like auditioning. Some actors don't. I do. They're little snippets of acting opportunity and who doesn't need opportunity? Of course, everybody has an off day once in a while, but I hate it when it happens to me.

The new audition went considerably better. Today, I can feel good. And that's not bad.