I've been thinking a lot about rejection lately. I'm sure everybody has a story to tell and I'm going to tell mine.
This is how it works: See a breakdown (casting notice), submit yourself (or your agent submits you) and your mug goes in the bushel of other mugs a casting director looks over. If you're lucky (or blessed), you get an audition. Every once in a while a casting director knows you and asks you to audition. That's the soft creamy filling.
Or, is it? Because after the CD and his or her staff wade through the thousands of headshots to glean the dozen or so they want to "see", they send an audition notice to your inbox. I'm told getting the audition is the victory, but is it? Yes, getting the audition is an achievement but none of us got into this business to audition. We got into the business to work.
I know what you're thinking. Working must be the soft creamy filling. Right. And, wrong. Work is great. Getting paid to act is great. But, the soft creamy filling is consistent work. That's the rub.
I've had a bunch of auditions lately and, frankly, felt pretty dang good about them. In fact, I got a call back for a movie and had a CD reach out to me directly to audition for two more. Sounds great, right?
In the initial email they said they'd get back to me with details. I waited. I wasn't obsessing, but I was thinking about it. Then, after about three weeks I get another email informing me my audition was great, but they cast someone else. Oy. And, the CD direct contact auditions went into the ether and I heard nothing. Shoot. I thought I had a decent shot at those. He reached out to me, after all. And, not for the first time.
So, while I understand the fickle nature of this enterprise, I can't help but feel verklempt every now and then. As human beings I think we all want validation. And a paycheck.
I'm not complaining. I'm blessed. Every chance I get I thank the good Lord above and soldier on. People sometimes ask me why I'm so upbeat. (I know. Ironic given the first line up there). And I tell them I know the Lord has a plan. Not just for me but for everyone. If I don't get the big break that last audition should have given me I find peace knowing something else, something better is coming along. "Yeah, yeah," I hear. "It's all a crapshoot." (I'm paraphrasing here). For those people I feel a little sad. I don't know how anyone can survive the near constant rejection actors endure without the surety Jesus is looking over our shoulder.
So, yeah, I've been thinking about rejection lately. Feeling a little blue about not scoring those auditions, until I remember what I tell others. Then I'm okay. Actually, I'm more than okay. I'm excited to see what God has in store.