Places

Hanging around gets you opportunities. I just finished a microscopic run in a very irreverent play by a guy I met in passing at a weekly cold reading series. Sound familiar?

Naturally, I know the guy a little better now. He wrote a series of short skits, really, compiled into an hour and a half of terrific acting opportunities. But, I don't want to talk about the play. "What's In Front Of You" at The Broadwater Theater in Hollywood has come and gone, and may come again. Or not. Who knows?

In theater every program is rife with biographies. Actors, crew, producers, director. You get the idea. Spoiler alter. If you don't already know, they're written by the players themselves. It's too much work for an overtaxed producer/stage manager/director to write the this's and that's for everyone in the show, so they ask for a line or two (in some cases a line or twenty) from the source.

I've always looked at theater with a healthy tongue in my cheek. Every chance I get to do stage is a chance to have a little fun. If you're like me, traditional bio's can be dull! "Series regular on...", "Master of Fine Arts from...", "Toured with...". Okay, okay. (Word to the wise - like a rainstorm, credits are never as impressive from the inside as they look on the outside. Not a criticism. It just is). So, I say, why not have a little fun.

Here's my bio as it appeared in the program: Alistair's family traveled the tartan highland playing baroque festivals to sheep herders. After a Scottish hurricane wiped out the fledgling circuit, he came to LA. Finding theater, he played Rascal in "All Quiet in the Narthex," and Obert in "Signs from the Cathedral." Encouraged, he fell headlong into live theater in the film capital of the world.

Naturally, none of that is true. It's supposed to be fun. Funny. But I was sore disappointed when the program came out because it wasn't what I wrote! This is what I wrote:

Born a performer, Alistair's family traveled the tartan highlands playing baroque festivals to itinerate sheep herders. After a rare Scottish hurricane wiped out the fledgling circuit, he took a boat to Los Angeles where he sang Gregorian chant at the Novitiate of Everlasting Silence. It was there he found theater, playing Rascal in "All Quiet in the Narthex," and Obert in "Signs From the Cathedral." Buoyed and encouraged, he fell headlong into live theater in the film capital of the world.

The whole "boat to LA" and singing Gregorian Chant in an Abby dedicated to silence thing makes it so much funnier to me. My "credits" make no sense without the Novitiate. Ah well. The producer said keep it short. I guess I wasn't short enough.

If we reprise this production, I'll try something a little different. Maybe a juggler in the Underwater Circus? Animal impersonator? Carpet Sweeper in the Buckboard Follies? Something.

I like reading the credits when the credits are fun. Maybe you do to. Hopefully, I can fill the bill (pun intended) for you next time you're at the theater. I'll work on it.

Blessings.